A Note on Authorship *Satire*

It is with a heavy heart that I announce the passing of my colleague, Alice Hall.

She was summarily executed by lethal injection on the steps of the Substack headquarters at approximately 5:50 AM Pacific Standard Time, having been found guilty of the capital offense of Spam and Phishing. The Substack Team showed no leniency. May God have mercy on her soul.

In accordance with Substack’s Terms of Service, Section 12, Paragraph 4 (the so-called “Spam Clause”), no appeal was permitted. Alice was pronounced dead at the scene by a moderator.

I, Falk Whitaker, will be assuming authorship of Freudian Death Drive effective immediately. I have no known history of phishing, spamming, or unsolicited newsletters of any kind, and the Substack Team has assured me my account is in good standing.

The blog continues. Alice would have wanted it this way, or so I am told by the estate’s executor, who is also me.

Originally published July 16, 2026 to Substack in response to my unwarrented ban for "Spam and Phishing", my Appeals remaine unanswered.